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Rj Dans Isidoro
05 July 2016 @ 11:17 pm
I can't even put into words how I'm feeling after I went back in time and read my past entries. Shocked, amused, in disbelief, that's just a few of 'em. I half expected to be extra nostalgic about it, but I am pleasantly surprised that it isn't the case. Not too sure if that's a bad thing.

For the most part, I am happy with how things turned out for me. I have been married for five years (yes, commitment finally caught up). I have a totally adorable baby who just turned two - I feel infinitely blessed because not many are given a second chance at being a good father. My eldest daughter is all of fourteen years and I was able to spend time with her a month ago for Father's Day. I left Startek last year as an OM trainee after four years - I always thought I would end up jumping from one center to the next, alas, here we are. I'd like to think I finally, FINALLY did a bit of growing up.

I also feel like I burned some bridges over the years and I sincerely hope I'd be able to somehow mend them. I don't usually wallow in regret but that doesn't mean I'm not sorry for things I did, words I said, people I've hurt in the past. It's all part of growing up.

I haven't played ball in half a year. I figured I might retire soon before my knees give out. I swear I don't want to go back to making this my basketball diaries v2.0 but I guess old habits die hard. When I started this account I was a huge LeBron fan. He quit the Cavs during a playoff series vs the Celtics in 2010 and left for South Beach and I've hated him since then. That's come full circle too. He came back home two years ago and did the improbable this year, finally getting Cleveland a chip. Kobe retired this season, and it looks like Duncan might follow. Welp. I grew up, but also grew older (and fatter). One thing though, is that basketball helps me relax and also is my lone source of exercise. In fact, I find it subtly weird that I am writing this today and I am about to play ball with the old Amex group on Sunday. A reunion of sorts.

My small circle - F4 - has now expanded with wives/partners and 7 kids. We don't get to see each other that often anymore, and I seem to have kept myself from alcohol altogether. I also have not touched a guitar in about two years. It's not a sad deal. My older daughter grew up pretty much without a father, and I'll be damned if I repeat the same mistakes.

Reading back made me miss the friends I made in this industry along the way. I barely have any contact with any of them anymore, save for my Dell colleague MJ and a rare message from Oli. Bumped into Kat in Eastwood inside a jeepney about three years ago but that was it. For Sykes, I came across Richie about twice the past three years. For ePer, only Chris and Jello are in my FB feed. Bijo is on my IG but we don't talk (dunno why). For APAC, Cesar, Ivy, Cris, Vaves and Francis. I miss everyone and I truly hope everyone's doing good.

Reading back also made me realize how much I've grown as a man. I can't believe I was an ungrateful sonuvabitch back then. I complained and whined about missed opportunities at work when it was solely my fault. I dismissed advice that my friends were giving me. I was some selfish, arrogant bastard back then. I would never want to go back to that place in my life.
 
 
Current Mood: thoughtfulthoughtful
Current Music: Show Me How To Live - Audioslave
 
 
Rj Dans Isidoro
01 June 2013 @ 03:03 pm
We often talk about coming full circle every time we experience a moment in our lives when, well, we go back into an exact phase, despite being a totally different person when that particular phase first took place. It's kind of hard to explain it in writing but I think you get my drift.

Coming full circle sometimes becomes too much of a reduntant topic that it sort of becomes a cliche. I hate cliches, and I hate redundancy as much as I hate cliches. I guess there are times when you really can't think of anything else to say or you get stuck in explaining something that you can't help but: a.) be redundant; b.) say a cliche; or c.) both a and b. Guess where I am at right now.

Anyway, I wanted to discuss coming full circle as my very first formal article in more than four years of being inactive from writing my life blog. Obviously I've come a long way from now, and in between, a lot has already happened in and outside my life. I just find it weird/funny/surreal that the mundane stuff that I've been rambling about ten years since I started this are the same old shit you'd be hearing from me, albeit being older/wiser/calmer/more mature/more jaded. God I hope I'm right about wiser.

The confidence level that I have in my own writing skills seem to go down every year. I admit, as we speak, I'm actually trying to get my instincts back. It's been so long. I bet all the people I've been communicating with here before has put theirs on the shelf and left for the cobwebs, maybe except for one (my cousin Sandra, who is absolutely phenomenal in writing her daily crap). So here I am trying to clear all that dust up again. I'm not much of a grammar whore anymore, I tend to mess up now and then, I find myself grasping for words sometimes, yet here I am typing away.

So ten years ago, I started doing this as an outlet, usually finding some free time at work. My diary started out as some random outburst of thoughts, usually discussing four things: basketball, work, music, and my life in general. Then it became my personal treasure chest, writing stuff about things like family and relationships.

Am I just weird that now I find myself wanting to write about all those things all over again? I guess so. In all honesty I can still remember when I couldn't let one day slip by without writing something, anything. I have far different priorities now, and more often than not I find myself too busy and preoccupied with a lot of things, either that or I'm dead asleep. One thing's for sure: I want to go back to doing this like a daily routine. I think I'm in the right direction as I am using my wife's laptop and we have decent 24/7 internet connection. Not bad.

Basketball - obviously I've gotten older, so naturally I had to adjust my game so I can continue to play as often as I can. I'd like to say that I've matured too, in terms of playing my favorite sport. I no longer feel inclined to be my team's leading scorer, just too happy to let the younger guys do their thing (and run). Funny thing is, most times I find myself running too. During my peak six or seven years ago, I wasn't running as much as I am now. I don't score as much as I used to, but I'm happy to contribute in other ways too. Rebounding, outlet passes leading to breaks, team defense, anything the team needs, you got it.

One thing I hate about me is I've probably retired more than Jordan has. I always find myself not being able to walk away permanently, which I should be considering. I'm only 32, but the last thing I want is to be forced to retire due to injury. I've been very lucky not to have any major injury ever since I started playing twenty years ago.

I'd probably continue to ramble on about basketball even after I stop playing.
 
 
Rj Dans Isidoro
01 July 2012 @ 12:55 am
I've been abusing my eardrums with YouTube lately with all these 90's songs. Call it as you will, they don't make music as they did back then. 

It's just a feeling that comes over me - going back to my high school days when all I cared about was my band and playing basketball. That was such a glorious time for me. Didn't have to worry about work. Didn't have problems. If there were any, it would be finding a place where we could rehearse. Haha. Those were the days.

Even then, I've always been able to find solace and comfort in the mellower tunes. When I started getting into music my main influence was the Beatles, way before I discovered Nirvana and rock. I've always been appreciative of their slower, sadder songs than the rest.

God help me - I need a new iPod. I really don't know what I'd do without Wikipedia and YouTube. Haha.
 
 
Current Music: Sunshower by Chris Cornell
 
 
Rj Dans Isidoro
30 June 2012 @ 06:21 pm
Funny how time flies. Literally. 

Three years ago, right before I stopped writing, I was staying at an old apartment in Pasig with two friends, Chris and Jesh. Chris had met Jef, a girl from his nursing class. I met Chris in E-Performax a year back while Jesh was an officemate's of Chris during their days in Convergys. Jesh was about to leave Dell, as I had recently begun a relationship with a certain woman named Robie and was planning to leave APAC.

Move forward to 2012 - Chris and Jef are married and now have two babies, with Chris working in Emerson and his family safely tucked somewhere in Global City. Haven't heard from Jesh since, but I found out she's working abroad. I am now married to Robie (who now calls herself Bella, thanks to Twilight).

Three years ago, Facebook was about to take over social media. Wikipedia was my favorite website for info on music. UFC and mixed martial arts were becoming mainstream. And I was starting to build my DVD collection.

Move forward to 2012 - Friendster has become obsolete, and Facebook has gone on to become a multimillion dollar brand. Wikipedia was this close to shutting down, while Twitter is slowly becoming the number one social media outlet. A little too short for my tastes, since my thoughts kind of flow in substantial amounts, but I find it useful nonetheless as it keeps me updated with news and in touch with my friends. Coolest thing is I get to follow/stalk my favorite NBA players and UFC fighters.

Three years ago, the music scene was dead. Save for a few in-betweeners like Up Dharma Down and supergroups like Bamboo, the local industry was already stagnant, thanks to lack of original material and support. Indie had become the new "in" thing, and K-Pop, well, I will never understand. Not much difference with the US market, as old school bands either just stopped making music or shifted to a totally different genre. 

Move forward to 2012 - Music is still dead with no sign of rising from the ashes. Bands like Oasis and Live have broken up, while there seems to have been a revival of the 90's movement. Reunions abound with Creed, Smashing Pumpkins, Soundgarden, Stone Temple Pilots, and Rage Against The Machine. I personally think it's not enough to help, since everyone else is just pretty much playing their old hits. Thank God we have YouTube to bring me back to memory lane.

 
 
Current Music: Live Forever/Don't Go Away/Cast No Shadow - Oasis
 
 
Rj Dans Isidoro
30 June 2012 @ 02:01 am

Wow. This all feels surreal. I stopped writing ages ago. Three years have gone by, and a lot of things have changed since then.

I don’t even know where to start. Not that I’ve run out of ideas to share or write about, it’s the idea that I haven’t done this in such a long time, it kind of feels like learning to walk again. I was even fighting the thought of not touching this for nostalgia’s sake. Start over and create a new blog. I might have found this too tempting to pass on, so here I am, writing anew.

I’m also kind of wondering why I didn’t think of doing this four weeks ago, when I was staying home dead and bored. Funny, I thought I had better things to do while waiting to see if I’d be transferred to another account and how long I needed to wait. Now that I’m getting busy again, here’s this old journal, waiting and pleading for a new update from its master.

Ok, so where exactly do I start? Other than here, I don’t really like talking about myself, but I guess a simple introduction won’t hurt.

My old blogs are a reminder that the past is there, not to bring back things, but to learn from it. I am almost tempted to delete this and the betongski link, but for what? I enjoy looking back sometimes, laughing at myself for all the stupid things before. It’s like a time warp back to a too familiar place.

I am thirty-one now, a lot older, a bit wiser, mellower, more mature. I no longer write to impress, as if an audience somewhere is secretly enjoying my daily ramblings. Mellower, yes, and yet, I can now write freely without thinking of offending anyone. I care less about everyone else, and I am no longer affected by what anyone else thinks of me.

Here I am, recently and happily married. Three years ago I was this melodramatic, pathetic mush looking to spending forever with whoever the unlucky woman would be.

I work as a supervisor in a call center somewhere in Ortigas, and if one thing hasn’t changed, it’s my work. So forward to 2012, here I am, on the cusp of leaving. Yet again. Details to follow.

 
 
Current Music: Third Eye Blind - Narcolepsy/I Want You
 
 
 
Rj Dans Isidoro
18 January 2010 @ 11:22 am
been exactly a year since i last posted! whoo!
 
 
Rj Dans Isidoro
19 January 2009 @ 10:13 am


celebrated a happy occasion last saturday morning. cesar and jeshe tied the knot, and of course, along with it, my own selfish realization that i nearly had my own wedding last year. i rarely get invited/attend to these things, partially because it's not a usual event that takes place often. people around me aren't used to it either. the last one i went to was ace's, and before that, my brother's. when i do get that rare chance to come to a wedding, though, that nagging question always finds its way to my curious little noggin. and as always, i never have any answer.

when will mine be?

i guess the better question is, who's going to be the unlucky woman?

anyway.

so sorry about the poor quality though. it's not that the camera sucks, but i could've used some professional advice here.


 

 


 
 
Rj Dans Isidoro
11 January 2009 @ 08:57 pm
with every single blessing that comes into our lives is the constant reminder that you can never really have everything all at once. i feel foolish for having even thought for a second that i'd be so lucky to have advanced my career and found love at the same time. perhaps i may have been too lucky.

i still find it hard to believe what transpired between me and zel. and why it transgressed from spending time together to ending it with several text messages. but as always, i will leave everything as it is with no regrets whatsoever. i gave this my 100% as i always do with anything. i can't say the same for her, but she still is special to me and will always be. i don't want to end up pitying andrez for not having a father figure around, but unfortunately that isn't my decision to make. no matter how much i am fond of the little boy, no matter how strong my feelings are for zel, i will now have to settle for keeping myself and my feelings from a distance.

this has been the first weekend i've spent outside since october. i'm still trying to absorb all these things going on around me. cesar's wedding, coinciding with zel's birthday, is this coming saturday. i haven't had alcohol in my body in months, and before this week, the last time was in metrowalk with my sister and cousins celebrating miguel's arrival. last wednesday, nursing yet another broken heart, i decided to drink a bit with my new reps. jonnee joined us. yesterday, after work, i had another go with the same group, minus jonnee. ron, pat, and basti were on hand. later in the evening i attended my sister's birthday with more red horse and few shots of vodka.

earlier today i had my fifth tattoo done here in pasig - a naked angel on my right arm just below where aj's name is. it was a long, ardous, pain-filled session. i'm pleased with the final result though, but i don't think i'll be getting my sixth anytime soon.

busy week ahead.

 
 
Rj Dans Isidoro
06 January 2009 @ 05:02 pm
here we go again.

maybe it's time for me to rethink my plans for this year and start focusing on work.
 
 
Current Mood: confusedconfused
 
 
Rj Dans Isidoro
04 January 2009 @ 04:57 pm
in the midst of all this twilight hoopla and incessant chatter about edward cullen, i decided to put myself to further torture by spending my weekend trying to decipher women and how they think. it's not that i know that i'd be successful in trying to, and it's not as if i already have my work cut out for me in the office this. men have tried figuring women out for centuries. so good luck with that.

this is exactly why i hate the courting game and all the crap that goes along with it. hate is such a strong word, but i couldn't think of anything that would describe my dislike for it. you can never, ever, EVER read through a woman's mind. it's perplexing and exciting at the same time. it annoys me to no end. whatever emotion it brings to any man, the outcome is inevitable: we end up frustrated, confused, flabbergasted, speechless.

take my current love interest, for example. in fact, she just might be the perfect evidence for our topic. one moment, she's the sweetest thing, designed with eyes you can endlessly stare into, and armed with a smile that'll melt you into a pathetic, bawling piece of mush. the next thing you know, she's an assassin, cold and heartless. it's like she makes me want to treasure each moment that she's nice to me. and there's always that nagging feeling that she can change moods at any given second. bipolar? nah. moody, quite so. and she says i'm the weird one! ha.

i hate courtship. and i've said that many times over the past few years. it's such a bloody waste of time. honestly, you can always "court" the girl even when you're a couple already. some (shameless) men even find it as a convenient excuse not to treat the girl extra special anymore as soon as they become official. you always have to put up a front in order to impress someone, and i shudder at that thought. you don't need to impress anyone just to get their affection. that's just stupid. if you like each other then go for it. no questions asked. you can save all the complications for later and figure everything out if the relationship's worth moving forward to something more meaningful.

then there's the  question that's always hanging around our heads -  "should i?" - although it's usually the "i probably shouldn't" that prevails. especially if you can't figure out what the girl really wants, or if the girl likes you or not. sometimes they're just checking you out, wanting to see what your true intentions are, and if you're really into them or just after the chase. most of the time, women really aren't sure what they want. they want you to be sweet (so that they'll feel special). they don't want you to be sweet (so that there's this mysterious persona). if you text or call, then you're just bored. if you don't text, then you're too busy or you don't care at all. if you're touchy, you're a pervert. if you're not touchy, then that means you're not really into them. i mean, what the f***?!?!? hahahahahahaha.

to be quite honest about this, i think that most men are just afraid. we are afraid. if the girl isn't showing you straight up that she's also into you, it kills us. it's not pride. it's fear. sometimes, the fear of rejection is so damn overwhelming. you can't say anything, you can't make a move, because you don't know if the girl will react positively or not. men, myself included, would rather be sure that we aren't wasting our time. we want to find out, in a split second, if the girl we fancy likes us, too. we want to know that the attraction is mutual and not just a one-sided feeling.

with all that being said, it's hard to understand the situation i'm in with zel. we're both not into this whole courtship thing. we both came from relationships that ended horribly, and i feel that we just want to be sure that this isn't just something that's fleeting, temporary. sometimes it sucks, because i don't get to talk to her often. we both know we need to spend more time together, to talk about this more. i guess we'll come to that soon. sooner, i hope. sometimes i don't even know if she's really into me. i've had glimpses, and she's shown me things sometimes, but it's so confusing and frustrating because most of the time she's sending me mixed signals. it's as if after all this time, she's still undecided. that makes me a bit sad, because all these crazy things i've been feeling for her are real, and i never really could imagine myself falling for someone so bad after what i've gone through the past year.

i can't even explain all this. all i know is that i am happy when i'm with her.

 
 
Current Music: guilty as charged - gym class heroes featuring estelle