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04 January 2009 @ 04:57 pm
decoding women.  
in the midst of all this twilight hoopla and incessant chatter about edward cullen, i decided to put myself to further torture by spending my weekend trying to decipher women and how they think. it's not that i know that i'd be successful in trying to, and it's not as if i already have my work cut out for me in the office this. men have tried figuring women out for centuries. so good luck with that.

this is exactly why i hate the courting game and all the crap that goes along with it. hate is such a strong word, but i couldn't think of anything that would describe my dislike for it. you can never, ever, EVER read through a woman's mind. it's perplexing and exciting at the same time. it annoys me to no end. whatever emotion it brings to any man, the outcome is inevitable: we end up frustrated, confused, flabbergasted, speechless.

take my current love interest, for example. in fact, she just might be the perfect evidence for our topic. one moment, she's the sweetest thing, designed with eyes you can endlessly stare into, and armed with a smile that'll melt you into a pathetic, bawling piece of mush. the next thing you know, she's an assassin, cold and heartless. it's like she makes me want to treasure each moment that she's nice to me. and there's always that nagging feeling that she can change moods at any given second. bipolar? nah. moody, quite so. and she says i'm the weird one! ha.

i hate courtship. and i've said that many times over the past few years. it's such a bloody waste of time. honestly, you can always "court" the girl even when you're a couple already. some (shameless) men even find it as a convenient excuse not to treat the girl extra special anymore as soon as they become official. you always have to put up a front in order to impress someone, and i shudder at that thought. you don't need to impress anyone just to get their affection. that's just stupid. if you like each other then go for it. no questions asked. you can save all the complications for later and figure everything out if the relationship's worth moving forward to something more meaningful.

then there's the  question that's always hanging around our heads -  "should i?" - although it's usually the "i probably shouldn't" that prevails. especially if you can't figure out what the girl really wants, or if the girl likes you or not. sometimes they're just checking you out, wanting to see what your true intentions are, and if you're really into them or just after the chase. most of the time, women really aren't sure what they want. they want you to be sweet (so that they'll feel special). they don't want you to be sweet (so that there's this mysterious persona). if you text or call, then you're just bored. if you don't text, then you're too busy or you don't care at all. if you're touchy, you're a pervert. if you're not touchy, then that means you're not really into them. i mean, what the f***?!?!? hahahahahahaha.

to be quite honest about this, i think that most men are just afraid. we are afraid. if the girl isn't showing you straight up that she's also into you, it kills us. it's not pride. it's fear. sometimes, the fear of rejection is so damn overwhelming. you can't say anything, you can't make a move, because you don't know if the girl will react positively or not. men, myself included, would rather be sure that we aren't wasting our time. we want to find out, in a split second, if the girl we fancy likes us, too. we want to know that the attraction is mutual and not just a one-sided feeling.

with all that being said, it's hard to understand the situation i'm in with zel. we're both not into this whole courtship thing. we both came from relationships that ended horribly, and i feel that we just want to be sure that this isn't just something that's fleeting, temporary. sometimes it sucks, because i don't get to talk to her often. we both know we need to spend more time together, to talk about this more. i guess we'll come to that soon. sooner, i hope. sometimes i don't even know if she's really into me. i've had glimpses, and she's shown me things sometimes, but it's so confusing and frustrating because most of the time she's sending me mixed signals. it's as if after all this time, she's still undecided. that makes me a bit sad, because all these crazy things i've been feeling for her are real, and i never really could imagine myself falling for someone so bad after what i've gone through the past year.

i can't even explain all this. all i know is that i am happy when i'm with her.

Current Music: guilty as charged - gym class heroes featuring estelle