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Rj Dans Isidoro
02 January 2009 @ 07:27 pm
i figure this would be a nice way to welcome 2009.

feels absolutely great to be able to bounce back from last year. 2008 has been a learning experience for me, as with all the past years that have come and gone. i felt like i've amassed a decade's worth of life's lessons from last year. for me 2008 will always be two things: the first and second half. and just as i've always said, i would never change anything and everything that took place the past twelve months. there are no regrets, only bits and pieces that i've learned from my mistakes.

and as much as i'd like to make my own personal to-do lists, i disdain making new year's resolutions. i try to steer clear from those as much as possible, because i believe that my goal every year is to make myself a better person. this year, work and family will be my main focus, as i feel that i'm already past the stage where my friends are my priorities. i'm a year older now (and hopefully, more mature) and my friends are always going to be there no matter what. they've been my family for the last five years and last year, everyone had to tend to their own. this year will not be any different.

needless to say, i think it's also time to start thinking for myself. indulge a bit here, but i also need to buy myself stuff more. i was too preoccupied with everyone around me (friends, personal relationships, etc.) virtually since 2005. it's high time i act a little selfishly.

my romantic status will be something i'll have to see in time. if things develop as it should, then good for me. it's not something i want to dwell on too much. i plan to just sit back and enjoy it as much as i can while it's there. don't get me wrong, i have genuine feelings for zel. she is such a mystery to me. it's almost as if there's something else behind those lovely eyes, fragrant hair, petite frame. i can go on rambling about her. i could melt every time she puts on that smile. i am just smitten. i don't even know what to do or say when i'm around this woman. i get all weird and silly but in some strange way, i kind of like it. having that giddy feeling all over. every day it just gets stronger and stronger. ah.

 
 
Current Mood: flirtyflirty
Current Music: hot n cold - katy perry
 
 
Rj Dans Isidoro
28 December 2008 @ 11:28 am
at last.

it's almost as if it was perfectly scripted like some big movie production destined to shatter box-office records.

and i should be pretty aware that this isn't the ending to the story. in fact, i have every reason to believe that it's only the beginning. and as with every story that unfolds, every chapter that moves along, and every page that turns, no one can really predict how this ends.

it's really hard to put into words how i should feel. i feel like i've hit the jackpot and the award at the same time. every time i wake and get up i still find it hard to believe and get into my senses. one thing is for sure, though. i will be ending 2008 with a huge bang and a whole new reason to thank my stars.

i don't even know where i should start. haha. i mean, sometimes i want to think that staying in claims rework might be a good idea. lorense is a cool manager to have and besides, the chemistry among the cru people is awesome. it's almost like you'd regret leaving. of course career-wise, having to leave cru shouldn't even be an afterthought. being a team lead has been a long-term goal, and now it's here. i'm happy for myself, grateful for having my work appreciated, and proud that it's come to this. wish me all the best. i've sworn to become the best manager my agents can ever have, and i will never change my attitude about things. i'd never let this get into my head. in some ways, it's the perfect birthday gift i've been given.

and my current romantic situation is on full blast ahead. it's just fitting that i end 2008 this way. i can always look back and remember 2008 and recall december as the best month i've had after some hard times in all aspects. this has been the best holiday present i've gotten for some time now. in a weird sort of way, i can always see myself being with zel and spending time with her and doing things with her. she's definitely someone i want to be with for a long time.

i've never seen my future this up close.

 
 
Current Mood: hopefulhopeful
 
 
Rj Dans Isidoro
28 December 2008 @ 11:02 am
just when all was well in the land of humana (at least in my perspective), the last sunday of 2008 was greeted with horrible news. two colleagues, arvin dominguez and anne liezel ilagan, passed away yesterday after a fatal motorcycle accident. i hardly knew these two, and they weren't even in the same circle, but despite humana being a large account, everyone knew each other on the floor, even if it was just by face or name or association. anne liezel was rather low key, at least to me. arvin, well, he was quite the odd man trying to fit in the crowd. in all fairness, he wasn't exactly the popular guy, but he joked around a lot. he liked to tease me being some sort of a ladies' man, then he'd wrap his large, heavy forearm around my neck. i was kind of irritated every time he shouted "babaero!" across the floor and lately he added "TL!" to his array of playful barbs. now i feel guilty about it. i will miss putting my hand up to high five him every time i bump into him in the washroom or corridors. you will be missed, man. apir.

my prayers go to you and your families. rest in peace. may you live forever in everyone's hearts and memories.

 
 
Current Mood: sadsolemn
 
 
Rj Dans Isidoro
27 December 2008 @ 06:53 pm
ending 2008 like this absolutely and definitely wasn't how i planned it. it's not that i'm complaining though. but what the heck, i'm happy and that's always a good thing right?

it's such a shame our communal workstation at the apartment broke down and hasn't been fixed for about four weeks now. much to chris' and my own dismay, it's not just the video card that died on us. the hard drive gave out, and that means i've lost all my music and pictures and everything in between. it wasn't much, but i was starting to build towards something. that sucks when you have to go back to scratch.

it sucks even more when the past four weeks have been quite eventful and i couldn't even write a single day's worth of emotions about it. i haven't been sleeping well for a month now and i figure that it's not related to work or anything. i think it's got something more to do with me not being able to de-stress and write. you see, writing's been one of my passions and therapy for quite some time now. it's frustrating when you can't put your feelings on a particular day to memory. anyways...

it's hard enough to remember each and every detail that's taken place the past four weeks or so. more so if you can't even describe what your feeling is these days. great. typically me. exactly what i've been about this year.

well, enough of my incoherent ramblings. i'm in the midst of the holiday season which means that i get to spend more quality time with my family. miguel's on vacation from england and that's a good thing. aside from chris, i haven't really had any time to talk or bond with any of my co-species ever since my best friend ryan decided to go m.i.a. on me and the rest of f4.

unfortunately i will have to miss that long-awaited family trip to tagaytay. the entire dans clan leave tomorrow morning. gabby will be boarding a plane back to singapore and her boyfriend, while my sister isiang has decided to skip the trip due to personal reasons. i stay behind because i can't miss work.

-------------------

it all started first week of december, when ceasar had to transfer to alabang on a whim. the whole thing with zel was over (or so i had thought) but we started texting again. she is such a mystery to me, with all those bursts of being sweet here and there and suddenly going cold the next minute. she has bits of mood swings which is perfectly fine by me. the whole point of loving someone is learning how to accept her along with all her flaws and quirks.

anyway, it's hard to tell when things took a notch higher. i guess it was during the team's christmas party when we both took it to another level. we briefly talked and i'll leave it at that. things are going well and that's what been keeping this grin on my face lately.

zel and ayi joined medicare cru about two weeks ago, and i had my (somewhat uneventful) 28th birthday at work. i, on the other hand, will be leaving commercial cru next week. conflict of interest? of course not. pressures of love in the workplace? maybe so. but is it entirely because of zel joining cru? no, it's not that at all. i have an even bigger responsibility now. it doesn't involve my present situation-slash-relationship.

i will be handling my own team. i got the post. the promotion was announced last week. was effective yesterday, but will start my tasks on monday.

something new to add to my resume: team leader.

more news to come soon. happy weekend, peoples.
 
 
Rj Dans Isidoro
07 December 2008 @ 05:42 am
ayi's right. zel is amazingly beautiful and she doesn't appear to know it. or if she does know, she doesn't care and doesn't appear to be too conscious about being beautiful. i think that's what makes me even more attracted to her.

i missed the ball game yesterday knowing that it would have have been a nice cap to a great week. for me i would have cared any less if i played or not - the main highlight was being with her.

her.

i mustered enough confidence to ask her about having breakfast last thursday. i would have been too nervous and knowing what's happened the past two weeks, quite honestly i wouldn't have been shocked if i got turned down again. to my surprise, zel said yes. she said yes! i nearly fell off from where i was standing. and i swear, as always, i blushed a redder pale shade. i hate it when i blush like that. i have NEVER been so damned self-conscious of myself. i must be making a total monkey of myself everytime i'm with her.

everything seems so right and sweet these days.
 
 
Current Music: for you i will - teddy geiger
 
 
 
Rj Dans Isidoro
07 December 2008 @ 05:22 am
i was gonna start jumping around last night when chris, my ever-reliable housemate, was able to fix the ever-unreliable video card and had the pc running again. alas, it wasn't meant to be. i was able to post something here about the pressure cooker week ahead and recharge my dead ipod, but about three hours later the computer just decided to conk out on me again.

so now i'm here in the office, in time to finish my friday shift quota and watch pacquiao beat the crap out of oscar de la hoya. when i came back from reception, i couldn't log back in and do my overtime. damn. in a few minutes i'll be off to the family home to celebrate my beloved lola's birthday.

i suppose this has been a great week for me. totally bounced back from an awful november ending straight into a nice december start.

all of a sudden, everything seems bright and happy and sunny all over again. this time, i'm not going let anything get past me.

thank you for bringing a smile to this face.
 
 
Current Music: real thing - kalapana
 
 
Rj Dans Isidoro
06 December 2008 @ 06:03 pm
i was wrong for thinking that there was less pressure now in applying for that team lead post. the interview with HR starts in five days and i've been obsessing about it. it doesn't worry me. but the first time felt like i had nothing to lose. people knew nothing about me, except that i was the new guy - up and coming, and only francis, cesar, and maybe billy knew what i was all about and what i could do as a manager. after the job went to cara, a lot of people found out and it opened up a lot of eyes at work. suddenly everyone knew what i could do. now, merely a few days away from another encounter and another opportunity, i find myself being told that i should be the next in line, with the operative word being "should".  and that is what's giving me pressure.

to be real honest about it, i'm totally flattered by the positive feedback i get from people. the best compliments rarely come from your colleagues and managers. firstly, i expect them to be silent about it because: 1.) it undermines their own worth as leaders, 2.) it totally exposes what they can't do, and, more importantly, 3.) they feel threatened when a new talent comes along. really, what is it with filipinos? they can't stand seeing people succeed that all they can do is drag people down with them? the best compliments always come from those you handle, those who are directly affected by the work that you do as a team lead. anyway, i can't pin my hopes on what people say. i've always been confident about my capabilities and my gifts but i just try to be modest about them. it isn't right to brag about anything. whatever i can do to share what i have, to help people, to inspire and motivate, those have always been the intentions ever since i became a trainer all those years ago. it hasn't changed. i'm lucky and i feel blessed to have been given all these things. i know that what i have is something special and it's something that i want to share. i've always been proud of being an advocate of change. right now, i know a whole lot of reps on the floor who are simply demotivated and disillusioned by what's being shown to them by their so-called TLs. i want to make a difference and let them know that, hey, it isn't all that bad. they've got someone behind them and that their efforts aren't being unrecognized.

keeping my fingers crossed. here we go.
 
 
Current Mood: excitedexcited
 
 
Rj Dans Isidoro

man. time flies, literally. it's the first day of the last month for 2008. a lot of things have taken place this year and it has been a nerve-wracking time for me, to say the least. twelve months ago, i wouldn't have imagined myself where i am now. not in a million years. everything - from the good to the downright bad - has made a positive impact on me. i've learned a lot and grown up a lot and if i were to look back at this year (surely you can expect a retrospective from me soon, right before the year ends), even if given the chance, i wouldn't change a single thing about anything that's happened.

i was hoping to end the year well. november gave me a fantastic start only to end it with a couple of losses right before the month finished. everything had felt really great until the last week. sometimes, you never really anticipate these things. when good things come along, most of the time it comes as a pleasant surprise. same with the not-so-good things. and you never really know when it ends. that's exactly why you can't get caught up in the moment. you just have to enjoy it. i must admit, though, something did feel a little bit off. i don't know. things crashed out last week, and this past weekend ended on a rather sour note.

i do feel sad about it, but i have to keep moving forward. there isn't really much of a choice but to let it go. who knows who i might end up with. for now it's not the person i want to be with. there's a lot issues going on with her in her life right now and i can't be a part of that. i will always be there whenever zel needs me, but i can't keep waiting for something that no one's sure will even come around.

i feel very optimistic about the future. i'll just relax a bit and let things hang loose this december. for now, i'm happy with what i have. can't complain about what isn't there. we all have to stay hopeful. all these crazy things taking place are definitely short-term. come to think of it, if you look at the bigger picture, nothing's really changed. my plans remain intact, and of course, my friends and family aren't too far behind. what's to feel so down about? 

 
 
Current Music: warped - red hot chili peppers
 
 
Rj Dans Isidoro
30 November 2008 @ 08:51 am

for the longest time, my mind has been debating whether or not i should go back to singapore. leaving things there as i did also left a bitter taste in the mouth, but i've never regretted any decision i made. things were so crazy back then because of the personal and external distractions surrounding me at the time. now that i'm free of any of those "distractions", i figured maybe now is the best time to think about things. it's not just about the job, really. it's about my future.

then again, i've already invested so much staying in apac. my friends are always asking me endlessly why i do what i do. why i work. why i'm still working. why i choose to stay in an apartment that i rent instead of staying home, where i don't have to shell out as much as i have to each month. why i still take the public transport to work. why i'm doing all these when i don't have to. my answer is simple: i can't stop working. i have to do something. besides, whatever it is that i can do elsewhere, i won't do it. i can't do it. why? because it's not my money in the first place. i'm able-bodied, my limbs are all intact, i don't have any terminal illness. if i'm going to be successful in life, it's going to be on my own terms.

most people know that i shouldn't be in apac anyway. armi applied and brought me along and for some reason, i also received an offer to join. it wasn't exactly the best choice to make for our relationship. obviously this is where a lot of nice things and bad things happened during the course of ten months we were in apac as a couple. she left, and i've stayed on.

quite honestly, now probably is the best time for me to stop thinking that i shouldn't be in apac at all. things do happen for a reason. it hasn't been smooth sailing here. but it's made me a whole lot tougher. if all these took place two or three years ago, i wouldn't even have thought twice about leaving. i feel that for now, staying where i'm at is the best option for me. of course, there's another posting and this is another chance for me to step up to the challenge. jonee and vaves both pose as formidable competition, and of course nimfa if she were to decide to apply. for me it doesn't really matter who i'm up against. i won't underestimate anyone but at the same time, i can't let anyone bother me. i don't get caught up in all that. same thing for me, too. i can't let all the hype blind me into thinking that i'm already the one for it. i just have to get in there and do what i do.

here we go. 
 
 
Current Music: forget about me - little bit
 
 
Rj Dans Isidoro
29 November 2008 @ 07:56 am

visit http://betongski.livejournal.com and read on about me thinking out loud about my heart problems.

change of plans. regroup. start over. focus. trust no one. reconnect.

these are the hard lessons i will need to relearn yet again. at least i've got a long weekend to think things over and try to put everything into perspective. maybe i did a couple of things that i shouldn't have, but then again i'm never one to regret anything. everything happens for a reason. maybe i just need to start focusing on one thing and that's getting that wretched team lead post. maybe i'm just better off being single for a while.

this all seems like a horrible dream, a bad joke, and an unbelievably twisted storyline all rolled into one. and the funny part? i'm cast as the lead character.

all of this comes at a time when team ceasar has to break up because of an impending move to alabang. on one hand, it doesn't make any sense. everything's happened so fast in a span of less than seven days. because of family, ceasar had to make a hasty yet personal decision. on the other hand, change really was inevitable anyway knowing that humana cubao is currently going through a transitional phase under new boss marlee's helm. i am an advocate of change, and i welcome this as i would any other. i think i'd agree more to marlee's management decisions than mai. some would disagree, but i could care any less about what anyone else thinks these days. we will see which direction the account will take with marlee's supervision. i am optimistic and she has my full support.

all of this comes at a time when i've temporarily lost connection with my friends. it was my choice because i felt had to focus and devote some time for myself.

do i always have to choose between love and career every time the opportunity comes up? i honestly hope i don't ever have to answer that question. i hope that this is just some dumb coincidence. i've been through much worse. this won't faze or unnerve me. this can't hurt me.
 

 
 
Current Mood: crushedf*cked up
Current Music: it ends tonight - all-american rejects