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05 July 2016 @ 11:17 pm
In retrospect  
I can't even put into words how I'm feeling after I went back in time and read my past entries. Shocked, amused, in disbelief, that's just a few of 'em. I half expected to be extra nostalgic about it, but I am pleasantly surprised that it isn't the case. Not too sure if that's a bad thing.

For the most part, I am happy with how things turned out for me. I have been married for five years (yes, commitment finally caught up). I have a totally adorable baby who just turned two - I feel infinitely blessed because not many are given a second chance at being a good father. My eldest daughter is all of fourteen years and I was able to spend time with her a month ago for Father's Day. I left Startek last year as an OM trainee after four years - I always thought I would end up jumping from one center to the next, alas, here we are. I'd like to think I finally, FINALLY did a bit of growing up.

I also feel like I burned some bridges over the years and I sincerely hope I'd be able to somehow mend them. I don't usually wallow in regret but that doesn't mean I'm not sorry for things I did, words I said, people I've hurt in the past. It's all part of growing up.

I haven't played ball in half a year. I figured I might retire soon before my knees give out. I swear I don't want to go back to making this my basketball diaries v2.0 but I guess old habits die hard. When I started this account I was a huge LeBron fan. He quit the Cavs during a playoff series vs the Celtics in 2010 and left for South Beach and I've hated him since then. That's come full circle too. He came back home two years ago and did the improbable this year, finally getting Cleveland a chip. Kobe retired this season, and it looks like Duncan might follow. Welp. I grew up, but also grew older (and fatter). One thing though, is that basketball helps me relax and also is my lone source of exercise. In fact, I find it subtly weird that I am writing this today and I am about to play ball with the old Amex group on Sunday. A reunion of sorts.

My small circle - F4 - has now expanded with wives/partners and 7 kids. We don't get to see each other that often anymore, and I seem to have kept myself from alcohol altogether. I also have not touched a guitar in about two years. It's not a sad deal. My older daughter grew up pretty much without a father, and I'll be damned if I repeat the same mistakes.

Reading back made me miss the friends I made in this industry along the way. I barely have any contact with any of them anymore, save for my Dell colleague MJ and a rare message from Oli. Bumped into Kat in Eastwood inside a jeepney about three years ago but that was it. For Sykes, I came across Richie about twice the past three years. For ePer, only Chris and Jello are in my FB feed. Bijo is on my IG but we don't talk (dunno why). For APAC, Cesar, Ivy, Cris, Vaves and Francis. I miss everyone and I truly hope everyone's doing good.

Reading back also made me realize how much I've grown as a man. I can't believe I was an ungrateful sonuvabitch back then. I complained and whined about missed opportunities at work when it was solely my fault. I dismissed advice that my friends were giving me. I was some selfish, arrogant bastard back then. I would never want to go back to that place in my life.
Current Mood: thoughtfulthoughtful
Current Music: Show Me How To Live - Audioslave